She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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