i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
