i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
