Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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