I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she woke up with a sticky ear
I've blown a few things in my day
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
