Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
