Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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