I'm drive I can fine osifer
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
