I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
BRING THE BAGELS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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