are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
