So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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