it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
