Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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