I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
