Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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