i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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