So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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