If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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