hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
