So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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