So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
