i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
