walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
