yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
