guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
