so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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