im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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