about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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