I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
