ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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