yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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