I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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