I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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