Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
