You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
