you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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