you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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