I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
