It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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