if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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