Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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