i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
