Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
