I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
