y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
