My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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