I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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