Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
