just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize