suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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