best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
