Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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