is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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