I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This baby is an asshole
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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